The day of the MRI came fast. Muffin and I were so nervous, we didn’t know what to expect. As soon as we got to the hospital, we filled out paper work for Alivia and changed her into a gown. I was so scared I didn’t know what to expect, the gown didn’t even fit her she was so small. We sat in the waiting room for them to call us in, they explained everything to me including the fact that Alivia was going to be put to sleep. The nurse came and said they were ready to take her… Take her? WHAT! That would be the first time she was not in our arms or near us where we could see her. It was kind of a relief though, to not have to see her go through it. I would have probably sat there crying through the whole MRI. They said that we didn’t need to be there to watch as it would just make us upset, so they whisked her away and we waited. I’m pretty sure I bit all of my nails off, I was so impatient I wanted my daughter back and the wait seemed like forever! Our little monster ate like crazy after she woke up, she was so confused and her little eyes looked so exhausted from the anesthesia; her giggles made us feel better to say the least. Perhaps, seeing things in a different perspective might have made everything funny to her. More importantly, she was back in our arms and it was time to find out what was really going on in her head. Our next appointment with Dr.Mehta was again very upsetting, it felt like the situation became much more real. This was not a bad nightmare that we could wake up from, where everything was going to be ok.
When Alivia was born she had a hemorrhage (bleeding in the brain), the MRI showed some dried up blood within the brain. On top of that they also found a cyst that was most likely the reason for the Hydrocephalus.
My head was again in overdrive, I googled everything I could, and filled my head with stupid scenarios and thoughts. I will say this again, and I know I don’t follow my own advice, but don’t spend too much time researching things on your own. Half the time you have either the scariest scenarios on the web or the best, never anything in between. It’s the in between that I think most tend to fall into. So many people go through such hardships, and even though we were dealt a difficult hurdle, we are lucky to have such an amazing little girl that has strength. I’m not going to lie, there were days I cried lots, some days we laughed. We stayed strong in front of Alivia, but there were a couple moments of weakness. Muffin and I decided to make a pact, what was going to come was going to regardless of the tears, so no more crying. We had not been like ourselves for a long time, or so it seemed. We didn’t joke around, laugh half as much, or being kooky and silly with Alivia. We started to treat her like a broken, fragile flower, which was not the case. She loved when we made noise in the house, tickled her, played with her, and took her out to see the world. So with our pact in mind, we found the strength to move forward and it was an amazing turning point. As the strong family we are, we changed ourselves to accommodate the situation we were given.