Remember how I told you I loved to tear the wrapping paper on my Christmas presents to peek at my gifts? Well, this time I didn’t have a choice – I was being induced for labour. I always wondered if I would have preferred a surprise, just this one time? Either way I didn’t have a choice. We knew that sometime on June 11th our sweetheart was going to make an appearance. We would really be parents: a mom, a dad, a protector, a nurturer – someone that this little being would look up to. We couldn’t wait!
The night before Alivia came into this world I went through a crazy final nesting stage. I cleaned her room again even though it was spotless. I wiped down the baseboards in the house. I brushed the dog and cat. Though I knew it was our last night as just us, I went into a “don’t think about anything panic.” Clearly, cleaning helps me cope. That night, as nervous as we both were, I don’t think we slept a wink. All we could think about was Alivia’s arrival, and it had us on a crazy high. By the time I fell asleep, our alarm was telling us to get up for the craziest and most amazing day ahead of us.
We arrived at the hospital a little bit early, so we registered and headed to the induction area. Let me say something, the only thing separating us mommies and daddies to be, was curtains. So of course you could hear everything going on with your neighbour. If my husband turned away for a second I would have grabbed the keys and ran toward the exit sign. But then I thought of how amazing our life was going to be with Alivia and my senses got ahold of me.
Birth – I don’t remember much. I don’t know why, almost like my mind left for a little while. Maybe it went on its last holiday. I am envious for those of you who remembered your special day. I remember my water being popped, and the nurses coming to check if I was feeling anything, turning up the medicine, and a couple hours after, when the contractions started, my brain decided to grab those keys and head for the exit. I was taken upstairs to labour and delivery, where I asked for the Epidural. From there on, I only remember small flashes, pushing, my husband’s hand and kind words, and pressure. LEMONS, LEMONSSSS, LEMONS!!!!!!
My husband said that I squeezed his hands so tight that one of my nails punctured his, which later turned purple, I kept falling asleep in between contractions, I kept saying I didn’t want to do it anymore, and then there was the 2 ½ hours of pushing. In between the flashes I do remember a little quiet body being whist away to the other side of the room. I remember my husband’s overjoyed face and then two nurses stitching me up and letting me know they would do a good job, as if it was their own – very funny. The nurses also showed me my umbilical cord, which had a knot in it like a pretzel, and finally in the haze when the doctors revived her, cleaned her and checked her, Alivia was placed on my chest. Lemonade, lemon meringue pie, lemon sherbet, lemon candies, all the amazing things Lemons can make!!!
Everything felt like it was happening so slowly but so quickly at the same time, and being foggy was not a help. I looked down and felt her heart against mine. We were not physically connected anymore, but the heart she heard for 9 months was next to her cheek again giving her the comfort she knew. I lay there absorbing this new feeling I had never felt before – a love that was so pure and instant, the most amazing feeling in the world.
The nurse came over to us in our moment, looked at me worried, “can I see her for a moment?” I blacked out again and don’t remember anything until Alivia was back in my arms. My husband said she stopped breathing again while I was holding her, so they took her. She was born with some fluid in her lungs, causing a couple complications. Our little family was moved into our room and my husband and I were mesmerized. There were so many emotions that you cannot explain, it’s truly the most beautiful experience you will ever feel. Everyone tells you about it but until you feel it, what you expected is not even close. We didn’t leave her for a moment – if she wasn’t in my arms, she was in his. She was so small my husband had to buy her preemie clothes (5 pounds 11 oz), weird considering I was diabetic. After 2 nights and 3 days at the hospital we were finally discharged.